Response to Mr. Luff's article on the new xxxchurch book.

(Since I've decided to post it here, now I wish I left the way I originally wrote it!) Oh well...


I post this follow up to replace the comment by TheSnark. This post is mostly critical of the article. I hope the book is better than the article. I'm disappointed in the article and a little angry.

I'm sure Mr. Luff is a fine person. . . .and his writing should be well received if its biblical and cogent... especially, when Craig Gross has joined himself to the project. Indeed, that "xxxchurch non-condemning helpful attitude" comes across in the article. But, here is where the trouble begins and ends: the beginning of the article, the middle and the ending are troubling.

First, the title: "What the Bible says.." seems like false advertising, for rather than offering a lucid study of sexuality from the biblical text, the author opts instead for some pop psychology (Jesus wants to make me feel good inside), which I assume he has the certification to administer. Then leaving the False Title, we move to the next line which insinuates that men who enjoy a pretty girl's appearance lack integrity. It further implies that there IS right and wrong in men's sexual ethics, yet refuses to lay out any boundaries. This hardly sounds like the gospel that turned the world upside down.

The next line tells us that Chapter Four is going to DEFINE for us what "normal sexuality" is! That's not a biased opinion at all, I'm sure! Yet, unless the chapter shifts away from the theory presented here, its never going to tell us what is normal and what is abnormal. Many boys and girls desperately want to know if they are normal or what is normal, yet will they be given any real direction in this book...?? Let's hope so. We finally come to the sub-title of the chapter "what the Bible says" which introduces us to the theory that no one can really know what the Bible teaches about sex. It is argued that since various Christian communities have had differing opinions as to what is right and wrong it must be impossible for us to know the truth which Jesus said would set us free. No need to review the mistakes of the past to avoid repeating them or to ask God to reveal truth to us... no, no, just ask Jesus to make you feel good about yourself and then your skin will glow in the dark.

The stories of Onan, Lot, and David from the Old Testament and the Corinthians from the New Testament are alluded to, as well as a passing reference to God's rule book in Leviticus and the suggestion is made that an honest assessment of God's word will only end in one man's opinion... the old "you can make the scripture say whatever you want it to" LIE. God's word is truth; it endures forever and is established forever in heaven. If you don't understand it, ask God to reveal it to you, don't cop out on us! Just because the Catholic Church hid the truth from the masses for a thousand years, doesn't mean we can't learn from past errors and do a better job today! AND THEN to have the nerve to suggest that it would be EASIER to list some do's and don'ts when you just got done saying that it is TOO subjective to even venture to teach what God wants!

Then you assume, perhaps rightly, that those who buy the book are hoping to find steps to overcoming porn or sex addiction. Perfectly good assumption. You tell them that a list of rules won't give them the "freedom and sobriety you're looking for". It is true that the law, lists of do's and don'ts, won't help people, true enough. But, exterior support structures such as accountability groups and porn filters won't set the captive free either... it has to happen from the inside. I would contend that it is BIBLICAL instruction and sexual education, though, that will help your audience, not the avoidance of teaching specifics from the Bible about sex. God's word is actually VERY specific and leaves little to question on the subject... but perhaps it doesn't say what you think it should say so you aren't comfortable teaching from the Bible. < Shades of scriptures in Latin only, Batman! > I think ministers want the Bible to say "sex is meant for one man and one woman only, who are married", but it never says that, does it?.. not even in a whole chapter dedicated to right and wrong sexual practices?

You list a series of "Big Questions" that you get asked a lot. I assume that somewhere you do address these questions. That is the job of one in a priestly role, to teach the people the law of God. Perhaps you have taught it so long that you're tired of that approach. Oh well, people still would like to know. Here are the questions you listed, for which you said you could point to scripture regarding whether they are right or wrong. I'll give my scriptural answer to each question for the sake of those who are wanting answers:

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"Is it okay to masturbate"? Yes, don't hurt yourself or anyone else. There is no scripture against it.

"Is it okay to have oral sex"? The Bible is silent; have agreement with your wife as to what you want to do together. The references in Song of Solomon are obscure and Hebrews 13:4 is being mistranslated to allow anything in marriage, which is false teaching.

"Is it okay for me and my fiancée to have sex before marriage if we plan on being married anyway?" In the Bible, those who did that had to offer to marry the girl, if her father refused the matter was over. Go in peace. Not all pre-marital sex is fornication; some marital sex could be though.

"Is it okay to look at porn if I am married and my wife knows about it?" If she is approving and it doesn't distort your love for your fellow man, there is no harm. The Bible doesn't specifically cover this, but a wife then had little say in her husband's sexual proclivities in those days. He could add a new wife or a concubine to their home. If he visited a prostitute, there was no condemnation of it, other than in the cases of idolatry or adultery. He was the master. So, in view of the God's allowance, regulation and promotion of polygamy and concubinage, we can't condemn a man for having sexual interest in women other than his first wife, since God never had a problem with it. Obviously, if porn viewing interferes with your husbandly duties, you need to rectify that.

"Is it okay if my wife and I look at porn together?" See previous answer. Be kind and gentle to your wife in every respect.

"Is it okay if my wife and I use sexual aids?" The only possible reference to it is in Ezekiel regarding a symbolic woman using a dildo to worship/fornicate with idols. (Read Clarke on Ezekiel 16:17) The text doesn't condemn it in and of itself, and it isn't referenced elsewhere in the scripture. If it causes you to lose interest in your spouse, that is wrong, of course.

"Is it okay if I masturbate to R-rated movies?" That's up to you... I assume you are very young or very patient, and don't do it in public, that's illegal. The question first of all is, "Is it sinful to look at R-rated movies?"

"Is it okay to slap my wife when we have sex?" (Can't believe this question really gets asked.) We are to be kind to each other.

"Is it okay for my wife to slap me when we have sex?" See previous answer.

"Is it okay to have anal sex in marriage?" Romans 1 criticizes wives who abandon their natural function for a function that is against nature. I take that as a condemnation of it.  If she wants to have some type of anal foreplay that's her call (IMO), otherwise, sodomy should not take the place of coitus. (This question wasn't on the list; an oversight, I'm sure.)

Is it okay to have sexual fantasies about men but not actually have sex with them? (Assuming this is a hetero fantasy) Fantasies are okay as long as you know they are fantasies only and you have no intent on committing sexual sins. God looks upon your heart. The Bible says "the thought of foolishness is a sin"... so don't think about inherently sinful behavior.

Is it okay to have homosexual sex? Leviticus 20:13 specifically told Israel to put male homosexuals to death. The Bible doesn't talk about lesbianism.

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The article and book then proceeds to tell us that it is more important for us to know WHY we want to do these things, than whether they are right or wrong? WHAT?! So, if I know why I want to do something, then its okay? Or should I just feel guilty about everything that has a sexual motive?

True, motivations ARE important. We may want to do good things for the wrong reasons. For example, my taking the time to critique this article is a good thing if it is constructive criticism with a good motive. If my motive is to tear down or make myself look good, then shame on me. I don't like writing this. I may be doing a wrong thing, but with a good motive.

Like I said, I hope the book is GREAT and helps those who get it. You may have noticed how so far no one has posted a comment to the article. It could be due to low readership, but could also be that it is so wishy-washy and unhelpful that, like masturbation, "it leaves the readers (the guys anyway) hanging". Sorry I haven't been more encourgaging.